Bass Player Jokes

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Bass Player Jokes

What do you throw a drowning bass player?
…his amp!

What’s the difference between a bass player and large pizza?
The Pizza can feed a family of four.

What’s the difference between a vacuum player and a bassist?
The vacuum has to be plugged in to suck.

I never got bass player jokes. All the bassists I played with were the smartest guys in the band. Furthermore the bands I always really loved had great bassists: The Beatles, REM, Rush, Weather Report (and any Joni Mitchell album with Jaco on bass), everything with James Jamerson and Duck Dunn. Carol Kaye!! I mean drums basically need to be played in time without getting too manic. Not too tough to do passably. Guitar is something apparently every third person on earth can do even if on the most rudimentary level.

But playing bass (well) is a world of relatively exclusive requirements. The bass needs follow the drums and the chords. Not mimicking the guitar, but creating a line between the beat, chords and the overall rhythm of the song. I find this location that the bass occupies to be a fascinating area in music. There are so many possibilities. So many different things that could and do sound good.

How can you tell when the stage is perfectly level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the bass players mouth.

How do you get a bass player to turn down?
Put sheet music in front of him.

In my opinion playing bass well takes a lot of brains. What’s more, I believe, that most songs are more greatly improved by great bass parts than by great drums or guitar. As a writer I love coming up with bass parts and I am always amazed at what great bassists come up with. So.. we should all give them the respect the deserve for playing such a fascinating section in modern music.

But first, one more joke..

A guitarist hears screaming and yelling, runs into the rehearsal room and finds his bass player and drummer fighting. He calms them down and asks that all the upset is about. The bass player says “He turned one of my tuners and now my bass is all out of tune!!”

The guitarist asks “Well, why don’t you just retune it?”

The bassist replies “He won’t tell me which one!!!”